Topic:
" Prevention is better than cure". Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree and disagree.
According to some, in order to cure certain diseases or getting consult from doctors got exorbitant. So they support to find preventative methods that suit for budget. I firmly believe that treating illnesses are getting overpriced and should be avoided before it becomes harmful for others.
To commence with with, [Possible missing comma found.] the reason of this is improved quality of life. Through taking heavy drugs, an infected organism can be promoted but demonstrates side effects to other parts. But the prevention keeps the overall health and well-being at the same level, allows being more productive. For example, if someone has physical illness, indeed, being active contributes to improve recovering of human body, also releases the overwhelming on the the the [Possible typo: you repeated a word] brain and keeps away from the stress.
Moreover, the prevention can help the durance of treatment. It means that staying at hospital and taking medicines spend much of time and energy because the line of injections, maybe, in profound amounts and a lot. At that time, the person who encountered contagious infection, they have a big chance to spread these diseases among clinics and community. As it can be seen two dangers have high occurence while treating in some spots. That's why the preference to prevenattive ways are more than long-term treatment.
In conclusion, although the treatment gives a guarantee to the patient to be completely in good form, avoidance from the illness independently, saves the money, time and general health of human.
6.0
Overall Band Score
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and
Cohesion
6.5 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
6.5 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
6.5 - Lexical Resource
5.5 - Task Response
6.5 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
How to improve your band score?
Work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not fully developed.
Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this
blog.
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS
grading criteria.
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly. Repetitive use of transitional phrases like 'Moreover' and 'In conclusion' can be improved by incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', 'On the other hand', etc. This will enhance the flow and coherence of the essay.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
The ideas within paragraphs are somewhat logically sequenced, but there is a lack of coherence across paragraphs. For instance, the transition between Body 1 and Body 2 could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. To improve, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs for a more coherent structure.
- 🟡 All paragraphs have central topic
The body paragraphs do not have a clear central topic in each paragraph. For example, Body 2 discusses both the duration of treatment and the spread of diseases, which can confuse the reader. Each paragraph should focus on one central idea to improve coherence. To enhance clarity, ensure each paragraph has a single central topic introduced by a clear topic sentence.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
There is a lack of clear flow from one paragraph to the next, making it challenging for the reader to follow the message easily. The transition from Body 1 to Body 2 is abrupt and could be improved by using linking words or phrases to create a smoother transition between ideas. To enhance coherence, work on improving the flow between paragraphs for a more cohesive essay.
- ❌ Referencing and substitution used
The referencing and substitution are not properly used in the essay. There are instances of unclear pronoun references that make the writing confusing. For example, 'It means that staying at hospital and taking medicines spend much of time and energy because the line of injections, maybe, in profound amounts and a lot.' The pronoun 'It' is unclear and should be replaced with a specific noun for clarity. To improve, ensure pronouns have clear antecedents to enhance coherence.
- ❌ Proper Paragraphing
You need to work on your paragraphing. Your paragraph number 4 is not proportional and not fully developed. Consider developing your paragraph further with additional details to strengthen your response. Check this blog.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.5
Using IELTS
grading criteria.
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The student has some issues with collocations in the essay. For example, 'getting consult from doctors' should be 'seeking consultation from doctors'. To improve, the student should pay attention to using correct collocations to enhance the fluency of the writing.
- 🟡 Complex phrasing used correctly
The student has made attempts at using complex phrasing, but there are some errors in idiomatic expressions and complex structures. For instance, 'the prevention keeps the overall health and well-being at the same level' could be improved to 'prevention maintains overall health and well-being'. The student should focus on using idiomatic expressions accurately to enhance the sophistication of the essay.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
There is some repetition in the essay that could be improved with a more diverse range of words. For example, 'treatment' is repeated multiple times. To enhance word variety, the student can use synonyms like 'therapy', 'care', or 'remedy'.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The vocabulary chosen by the student is somewhat fitting for the topic, but there are instances where more precise and expressive vocabulary could be used. For example, 'improved quality of life' could be enhanced with 'enhanced quality of life'. The student should aim to use more precise and expressive vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.5
Using IELTS
grading criteria.
- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay lacks a diverse range of sentence structures. It mainly consists of simple sentences, which can make the writing monotonous. To enhance the essay's quality, try incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For instance, in the second paragraph, instead of using only simple sentences, consider combining ideas to create more complex structures for better flow and coherence.
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward and unclear sentence structures that do not effectively convey the intended message. For example, 'Through taking heavy drugs, an infected organism can be promoted but demonstrates side effects to other parts.' This sentence is confusing and lacks clarity. To improve, focus on using clear and concise sentence structures to enhance readability and coherence.
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
There are instances where incorrect verb tenses are used in the essay, leading to confusion. For example, 'Through taking heavy drugs, an infected organism can be promoted but demonstrates side effects to other parts.' The verb tense inconsistency ('can be promoted but demonstrates') affects the clarity of the sentence. To improve, ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay for better coherence and understanding.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are some punctuation errors in the essay that affect the flow and clarity of the writing. For example, 'But the prevention keeps the overall health and well-being at the same level, allows being more productive.' The comma placement after 'level' disrupts the flow of the sentence. To enhance readability, pay attention to proper punctuation placement and use commas effectively to separate ideas.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: According to some, in order to cure certain diseases or getting consult from doctors got exorbitant.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect verb form "getting consult"
Correction: ...or consulting with doctors becomes exorbitant.
Explanation: The correct form should be "consulting" as it is the appropriate gerund form of the verb in this context.
Sentence: Through taking heavy drugs, an infected organism can be promoted but demonstrates side effects to other parts.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Incorrect word usage "promoted"
Correction: ...an infected organism can be treated but may demonstrate side effects...
Explanation: The word "promoted" is not suitable in this context. It should be replaced with a more appropriate term like "treated".
Sentence: But the prevention keeps the overall health and well-being at the same level, allows being more productive.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of clarity in sentence structure
Correction: However, prevention maintains overall health and well-being at a consistent level, allowing individuals to be more productive.
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and clarity. Restructuring it helps convey the intended message more effectively.
Sentence: At that time, the person who encountered contagious infection, they have a big chance to spread these diseases among clinics and community.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: Lack of parallelism in subject-verb agreement
Correction: At that time, individuals who have encountered contagious infections have a high chance of spreading these diseases among clinics and communities.
Explanation: The subject-verb agreement needs to be corrected for better task response alignment.
Sentence: That's why the preference to prevenattive ways are more than long-term treatment.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Subject-verb agreement error
Correction: That's why the preference for preventive measures is greater than long-term treatments.
Explanation:The verb "are" should agree with the singular noun "preference", so it should be changed to "is". Also, there was a spelling mistake in "preventative".
Overall, focus on improving grammar accuracy, using appropriate vocabulary choices, maintaining coherence in your arguments, ensuring subject-verb agreement consistency, and aligning your responses closely with the task requirements.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect verb form "getting consult"
Correction: ...or consulting with doctors becomes exorbitant.
Explanation: The correct form should be "consulting" as it is the appropriate gerund form of the verb in this context.
Sentence: Through taking heavy drugs, an infected organism can be promoted but demonstrates side effects to other parts.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Incorrect word usage "promoted"
Correction: ...an infected organism can be treated but may demonstrate side effects...
Explanation: The word "promoted" is not suitable in this context. It should be replaced with a more appropriate term like "treated".
Sentence: But the prevention keeps the overall health and well-being at the same level, allows being more productive.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of clarity in sentence structure
Correction: However, prevention maintains overall health and well-being at a consistent level, allowing individuals to be more productive.
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and clarity. Restructuring it helps convey the intended message more effectively.
Sentence: At that time, the person who encountered contagious infection, they have a big chance to spread these diseases among clinics and community.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: Lack of parallelism in subject-verb agreement
Correction: At that time, individuals who have encountered contagious infections have a high chance of spreading these diseases among clinics and communities.
Explanation: The subject-verb agreement needs to be corrected for better task response alignment.
Sentence: That's why the preference to prevenattive ways are more than long-term treatment.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Subject-verb agreement error
Correction: That's why the preference for preventive measures is greater than long-term treatments.
Explanation:The verb "are" should agree with the singular noun "preference", so it should be changed to "is". Also, there was a spelling mistake in "preventative".
Overall, focus on improving grammar accuracy, using appropriate vocabulary choices, maintaining coherence in your arguments, ensuring subject-verb agreement consistency, and aligning your responses closely with the task requirements.